‘A Tragic Day for America’

Celebrities wailed and raged on Saturday night when billionaire Elon Musk announced that former president Donald Trump’s Twitter account would be unsuspended as a result of user feedback.

“The people have spoken. Trump will be reinstated. Vox Populi, Vox Dei,” Musk announced.

Musk decided to reinstate the former president’s account after putting out a Twitter poll that came down to the wire – 51.8 percent “Yes” versus 48.2 percent “No.”
Trump had been frozen out of his Twitter account since January 2021 in the wake of the Capitol Hill riot on January 6.

Though leftists all across the platform erupted in a flaming circle of outrage in response to Musk’s announcement, Trump’s usual celebrity haters, from Rosemary’s Baby actress Mia Farrow to Misery director Rob Reiner to House of Cards star Michael Kelly, were having a particularly bad night.

“Get blood pressure pills,” Farrow retorted.

“Elon Musk is letting a man who led a violent Insurrection to overthrow the United States Government back on this platform,” Reiner lamented. “Letting the Lies and Disinformation continue to poison the American bloodstream.”

Michael Kelly, that guy from House of Cards, suggested a return to Twitter would “bankrupt” the Truth Social app which the former president now uses.

John Leguizamo of Super Mario Bros. fame promised he would “ghost” Twitter if Trump resumed posting.

Bette Midler, fresh off of releasing an occult recruitment film for Disney, called the decision to revive Trump’s account “a tragic day for America” and advanced an unproven rumor that Elon Musk emigrated from South Africa illegally.

Judd Apatow, a producer on the queer mega-box office bomb Bros, chided Musk for seeking out the opinion of Twitter users for the decision.

John Cusack, voiceover artist for Chevrolet commercials, seethed that “Elon Mush” restored “a literal insurrectionist fascist criminal to the platform he’s destroying.” There’s a lot more to unpack here in this deep free verse:

Josh Gad, the snowman from Frozen, reacted to Musk’s announcement with dramatic disdain. “You are truly an asshole and an anarchist,” he wrote.


As of this writing, the former president has yet to resume the use of his account and it remains to be seen if he will actually leave his own social media site Truth Social. Speaking at the Republican Jewish Coalition in Las Vegas via video link this weekend, Trump said he may not return.

“I hear we’re getting a big vote to also go back on Twitter. I don’t see it because I don’t see any reason for it,” Trump said. “It may make it, it may not make it.”

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