Is it tacky for her to steal bride’s spotlight?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My mother’s 90th birthday is falling near her granddaughter’s wedding. She insists that she does not want a party, but rather would like “someone” to acknowledge her 90th birthday at the wedding instead.

My siblings and I are baffled on how to handle this request. Personally, I think it is rather tacky for her to take anything away from my niece’s wedding day, but she is insisting.

The wedding will be held at a country club with about 125 people. There will be a DJ, so would it be appropriate to have him make the announcement and play a short “Happy Birthday” song?

GENTLE READER: How exactly does this take anything away from your niece? Is it that for three minutes she will not be the center of attention?

Miss Manners does not generally condone making suggestions of how others can honor oneself. But in this case, the lady seems to be asking to forgo a milestone party in favor of a short recognition when the family is gathered anyway.

If the bride cannot tolerate yielding the spotlight, even for a few minutes, to her own 90-year-old grandmother, perhaps someone should warn the bridegroom.

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