When a woman wanted to venture into the world of swingers parties, her husband wasn’t so keen. He shares his story with journalist, Shona Hendley
My wife *Rachel and I have an incredibly strong, committed relationship. We are open with each other, communicate effectively and are completely transparent with what we do and what we want.
I always like to make that clear whenever I share this experience with anyone because I have had many people raise an eyebrow (or two).
Actually, I have had many people react quite intensely when they hear this, mostly I think because they just don’t understand, and because of society really moulding them into believing there is really only one ‘right’ way of doing things.
‘I didn’t have an issue with Rachel taking part’
In saying all of this, I also don’t share this experience with many, partly to do with previous reactions but also because it is about the intimate nature of my and Rachel’s relationship.
Rachel and I have always had a very strong intimate and physical connection. Despite this, her sex drive and her desires are stronger and more adventurous than mine. For years we were quite happy to fulfil these between the two of us, but about a year ago Rachel shared with me her wish to attend a swingers party.
Rachel didn’t want an open relationship, but she did want to experience having sex with other people, and initially, she’d hoped that I would also join her in this. For me though, it just wasn’t something I had any desire to do, and the thought of doing it made me feel uncomfortable.
I didn’t have an issue with Rachel taking part in one though. In fact, I knew the right person for her to have the experience with, someone who I could feel confident would look after her.
This person was my brother, *Mike. He, like Rachel also was interested in swinging and I knew he had been regularly attending parties and events when he was in his last long-term relationship before Covid-19 hit.
After I spoke with Rachel about the idea, I chatted with Mike. He wasn’t just OK with it; he was excited about getting back into swinging which he hadn’t been able to do while single.
‘They went off to separate rooms’
To be clear, the idea was for them to attend these parties as a faux couple in order to gain access because you can’t if you are single. Neither had any wish to have sex with each other, but rather swap with other couples and individuals when they were there.
For me, this guaranteed safety for Rachel because I knew Mike would watch out for her, and for me, this was my greatest concern.
The first party they attended, they both got ready at our place. We all had a couple of drinks together and then they left together in a taxi.
Rachel got home about 2am. I woke up when she came into our room and she told me about the entire evening.
When Mike and Rachel arrived at the location, they mingled with other couples for a while, and then Mike hit it off with one woman and Rachel with a different couple. They both went off to separate rooms and had sex with the people they had met and then they all shared drinks again and talked afterwards.
‘They’ve seen each other without clothes on’
Since that first evening, Mike and Rachel have been to another two swinger events. Each time it has been different, but they have always been positive.
There have been occasions where they have seen each other having sex with other people, or without clothes on. While I’d prefer this didn’t happen it is really only a minor downside to the arrangement, and it doesn’t bother me that much because they aren’t attracted to one another.
I have told a few good friends about the arrangement and so far, no one has really fully understood. In fact, the first person I told – my best friend – he looked at me almost as if he was disgusted. He asked whether I thought it crossed the line but as I said to him if they had sex yeah, of course, it would but they are each other chaperones and that is all it is.
While he and some of my other friends question it, for me, Rachel and Mike, it works and really that’s all that matters.
* Names have been changed for privacy reasons.
This article originally appeared in Kidspot and was reproduced with permission
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